I ran into a lady the other day who proceeded to ask me the whereabouts of my children. I told her that Sunny was in Prague,Chris and Wendy and the babies lived on a small farm in Southern Illinois, and Troy and Jess were in the Smokies. She looked at me appalled and then she smugly said, “Well I love my children too much to let them go off like that, I made mine stay here, they live beside me.” Well I am sure you get the immediate inference here. She loves her children MORE than I do mine! I saw red! But- Ok- I remembered the kindness sermons and let your light shine sermons so I didn’t decapitate her on the spot. Instead, I was actually very nice about the whole thing, but inside I was fuming. After all-my motherhood was being attacked. So if you will, I would like to vent a bit on this whole scenario. I AM a good mother. I DO love my children. And let me say first, right up front, I don’t have a problem at all with people’s children living here in Martin County, or living in their parent’s yard for that matter, if that is what the children WANT to do, it is the " I MADE them" part that gets me. Lady-you don’t love your children too much to allow them to move-you love YOURSELF too much to let them move. You had them sacrifice their own dreams and opportunities to fulfill your neediness.
Joel Olsteen did a wonderful sermon on this topic the other night. It was how needy people clip your wings and stop you from reaching your full potential and moving into the destiny God has for you. He said needy spouses, or co-workers, and, yes even parents, intentionally manipulate you into believing you simply cannot get along without them and you “need” them to be there with you at all times. With these types of people you begin to lean on them and pretty soon you are convinced you can’t do it alone, you aren’t capable. "Break free of these mindsets and allow God to liberate your thinking" Joel said, "and your feelings of self-worth and confidence will soar." I hope this lady heard this sermon.
With my motherhood and love of my children being quesitoned I wanted to scream at the lady the other day- my children have backpacked across Europe, played in the Artic Circle, spent the summer in Austrailia, worked on a sheep farm in New Zealand, looked for the Loch Ness monster in Scotland, saw the sunrise on a beach where wild ponies frolicked, worked with the Roma Gypsy people in Prague, watched the changing of the guard in London , walked the Great Wall of China and swam in the Red Sea. Does this make my children better than hers? Absolutely not. But does this make me love my children less because they had these experiences. I think not.
Now on to the matter of my grandparenting. For this one I am even more sensitive. (why do people think it is ok to criticize my choices- I try not to be critical of theirs???) When discussing my grandbabies I had another lady ask me if I wouldn’t just love to keep them here and have them live with me. She had hers every day. Well no, I said- I want to be their grandmother, not their mother. They have a wonderful mother.( AND no one, absolutely no one loves their grandbabies more than I love mine!) But I will let you in on a little secret- I also love my children and they deserve that relationship with their babies. Because it isn’t just the times you hold that sweet angel asleep against your breast that makes you a parent, it is the times you fish the little fellow out of the clothes rack at Walmart with everyone frowning at you that bonds you together. It is the times Momma and Daddy hold hands and pray at the bedside of him when he has a fever, and listen to him wail when you tell him no, and confer over the breakfast table on what you will allow him to do or not to do. It is these moments that make families families. I don’t want to take that away from my children. Could I have made these times a little easier on them? Perhaps. I fully realize that some of these times can be hard on my children, but this very hardness will make them grow closer and bond together and that is far more important. I guess I just hate to have my parenting criticized and the inference made that Chris and I didn't love our children as much as other parents because we allowed our children to go out into the world and make their own decisions. I am reminded of this when I recall the same type of incident that Chris experienced a bit ago. Chris went to the barber shop a while back where he often took his boys when they were small. The barber inquired what the boys were doing now and Chris told him they were both wildlife biologists. A gentleman in another chair told Chris how his son had always wanted to be a marine biologist but he had flatly refused to let him. “Why ever not?” Chris asked. “Because I knew he would have to leave me to do it. Marine biologist have to live near the ocean and I just couldn’t allow him to leave me. I told him I would not pay for his schooling if that is what he was going to do.” Chris asked the man what his son was doing now. “Working at a gas station in Williamson” was his reply.
So am I putting down or criticizing people whose children settle here in Martin County? No- of course not, I settled in Martin County myself. But I am defending parents who allow their children to live their dreams regardless of what those dreams are and, to be honest, I guess I am being somewhat critical of anyone who clips those children’s wings to fulfill their own neediness. If my kids wanted to come home tomorrow I would welcome them with open arms but if they wanted to go to the South Pole I would start shopping for their parkas and that is because I DO love them!!!!!
The enthusiasm for peas is quite amazing!
Yummy! Yummy!
Yummy! Yummy!
It made me cry...
